Good and Bad News

I have some good news and I have some bad news…the bad news, and I am sure this comes as a shock to no one, considering the amount of pictures I take shirtless, but I recently found out I am in the high risk category for a heart attack. I know this saddens those of you who took “my liver and the under”, but as long as I chase my “Ana Nicole-Sized pile of pills” with my “Benefiber” and eat like a bore, the Doctors say I should live well into my forties. I can’t blame all my ticker problems on the road, but I will say that amazing hospitality that the comedy clubs show me doesn’t help. The way they feed me food and alcohol, you’d think they were going to eat me after the Sunday show. I have the next three weeks off and thought it only fitting to take somewhat of a sabbatical from my right hand, maybe try and spend some above ground time with my kids, and possibly even catch up on some reading (BTW I also had to get glasses)…I’m falling apart at the seams people, that is the bad news.

The good news…I have started writing a new hour, my clothes are fitting better, Rogaine still works, my beard makes me look smarter than I really am, my daughter have started calling me daddy again, my shits are a sweet toxic that makes me smile, I think I’ll be on a TV show soon, I have over 1000 people on my mailing list, I’m not Somalian, and I still have 6 unwatched episodes of LOST on my DVR, including the season finale…SO…I should be about 20 pounds lighter and smiling ear to ear when I head back out on the road in July, literally double stitching the country by going back and forth from Tampa, Sacramento, Miami, Dayton, San Diego, Louisville, Kansas City, Pittsburgh, Richmond, DC, Cinncy, & Virginia Beach not to mention the Bahamas and Cozumel.

As always, get at me on Cara Libro, I don’t check MySpace often, and I still don’t fully understand Twitter (although I twitter a lot, fuck I’m probably twittering this right now)

OH YEAH…please, please, please sign up for my mailing list by going HERE…it’s the only surefire way to find out when I am coming to your city.

BERT

2 Responses to “Good and Bad News”

  • TJ says:

    nice job at the funny bone 2night man ! great laughs fukin funny

  • Teagan Rose says:

    Dear Bert,
    I really like your show on travel channel,flip trip.In fact,I watched it last night! You are really awesome to do that for people. I wish I could be like you traveling all around.I want to be a world traveler, too. I have a question. Do you like all the places you travel or do you like one specifically? I also have another one. Are you going to come to massachusetts sometime? I would reckon Boston or Worcester[I live in Worcester]. You can do some pretty fun stuff, especially in the spring and summer.Okay, here is my last question. Will you take me traveling?

    Sincerely, Teagan Rose Age 10 Worcester, Mass.

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