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Archive for December, 2009

Watching Biggest Loser with my wife

My wife has the best heart. I only hope that there are more people like her, and less like me, because when we watch the these feel good reality shows like “The Biggest Loser” I end up feeling like a horrible person. While I have with the evil/cynic gene, she watches it, rejoices, prays, cries, and celebrates with these people…meanwhile all I can do is point out what I feel to be the obvious truths: “He’ll get fat again!”, “She’ll turn into a whore for a couple months, get herpes, and get fat again!”, “They’ll get a divorce, and she’ll get fat again”, “He shaves his beard way too high for my taste, he’ll get fat again.”
Maybe it’s because I’m drunk…Maybe it’s because I ate too much for dinner, or maybe I know people better than my wife does because I’m a man.
Of course it all comes down to all of that…I am a man! By saying that I mean that I HAVE BEEN PUNCHED IN THE FACE. She is a woman and she has never been punched in the face. When the concept of “getting punched in the face” looms over you every time you are DRUNK, you size up people better, quicker, and faster than someone who has never had that worry….and those people are women.
And that is why I think, that when I am drinking, without doubt, I can size up people much better than my wife. So while she thinks Danny will win without a doubt, I can chant, with certainty that the man that will win the biggest loser this year be….RUDY, RUDY, RUDY!!!!

I’ll called it!