Watching Biggest Loser with my wife
My wife has the best heart. I only hope that there are more people like her, and less like me, because when we watch the these feel good reality shows like “The Biggest Loser” I end up feeling like a horrible person. While I have with the evil/cynic gene, she watches it, rejoices, prays, cries, and celebrates with these people…meanwhile all I can do is point out what I feel to be the obvious truths: “He’ll get fat again!”, “She’ll turn into a whore for a couple months, get herpes, and get fat again!”, “They’ll get a divorce, and she’ll get fat again”, “He shaves his beard way too high for my taste, he’ll get fat again.”
Maybe it’s because I’m drunk…Maybe it’s because I ate too much for dinner, or maybe I know people better than my wife does because I’m a man.
Of course it all comes down to all of that…I am a man! By saying that I mean that I HAVE BEEN PUNCHED IN THE FACE. She is a woman and she has never been punched in the face. When the concept of “getting punched in the face” looms over you every time you are DRUNK, you size up people better, quicker, and faster than someone who has never had that worry….and those people are women.
And that is why I think, that when I am drinking, without doubt, I can size up people much better than my wife. So while she thinks Danny will win without a doubt, I can chant, with certainty that the man that will win the biggest loser this year be….RUDY, RUDY, RUDY!!!!
I’ll called it!

Bert, wtf? How come you don’t say you’re from FL? We love you here, and you say you’re from LA. Not even in the FL Bert the Conqueror episode do you say you’re from here. Show some love man!
Love the show, you’re hilarious! We love going to see you at Ybor Improv!
Bert, I have never seen you or knew your name until today. I came across your manwax segment. I had to watch it 4 times. Of course the first time I laughed so hard my face hurt. You are so funny and your timing is great. I’ve always dated funny men and married one.
Thanks for making my day. Amy
Bert, I have never been punched in the face but I do watch biggest loser and agree with
You for the most part. They will either get fat again, or they will becme so anoying
About being “healthy” that no one can stand to be around them….so they get depressed
And then get fat again
hey burt i just watched the episode where you where in maine i loved it when you and your wife toppled over in the mud pit i recorded it on my dvr so i can watch it again when you where carrying you wife was she light or heavy it could have been why you two wiped out in the mud pit it looked deep though so i don ‘t mean to offend you about the whole was your wife light or heavy i bet it sucked for the two you you being covered in mud but the important thing was you got back up and made it to the finish line and you did not win but thats ok it takes a lot a guts to do something tough like that.
The Machine!!!! enough said
lol I get the exact same way when I watch biggest loser with my girl… she is also a saint btw, but me, I calls em how I see em (which is considered by some as “saying stupid shit”, but really it’s just genuine, truthful guyspeak.).. anyways it is followed by “the look” and then mini silent treatment.
Bert, it’s not that your wife has less ability to size people up, it’s that she has the ability to see the best in people. She has that innate ability that some women have to look beyond the stupid, base, ridiculous things that people do and see who they can be. Women like her tell their husbands that they can get that promotion, that they depend on them to solve certain problems, that they are the best things to happen to them. These women are the reason that men don’t live in caves.
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Hey, my time machine worked…
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